WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
