It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
