Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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