bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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