i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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