Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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