on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I supernannyed him into submission
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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