Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
