Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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