On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
