Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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