So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
