did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
