One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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