I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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