my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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