you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
