glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
