my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
