I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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