yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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