Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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