please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
