I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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