he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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