I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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