you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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