I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
