in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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