i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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