I'm sorry my penis didn't work
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just high enough for therapy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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