can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
