my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
