Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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