ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
