No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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