Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
