Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
