I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
not ubering you a puppy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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