By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
