Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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