My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm bleeding and have questions
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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