I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
