I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
