Duck Duck Cougar?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
