well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
