wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
