Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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