Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
