He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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