I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
