we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
