i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
