He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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