I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
