Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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