trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
