is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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