Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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