Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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