soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
