guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
