we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
