he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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