Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize