I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
