ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So here I am, sexting at work.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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