Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If that was your dad, he is hot
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
