we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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