he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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