you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
