She is in my trunk
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
