i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
