She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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