we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
