I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
