Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize