Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
