Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
